Availability for April: None.

That was a difficult and frustrating sentence to write and it took far longer than the simple handful of characters would suggest. Here’s why:

On Saturday 20 March I had a slip and trip. For such a basic, “garden variety” type of fall it has carried an unfortunate impact. The result is called a Lisfranc injury – which is a complicated type of mid-foot injury involving a ligament and a number of bones > you can read more about it here. In this instance it is two fractured metatarsals and a torn ligament. Internal scaffolding has already been surgically inserted (a titanium plate and a number of screws) and I’ve been discharged from hospital following a thankfully boring and routine operation.

What happens next is a little more involved. The process is slow and steady, and the risk of rushing is a lifetime supply of agonising arthritis starting now. If everything goes well, it should look something like this:

• 2 weeks minimal activity, keep foot elevated, keep cast dry. No Weightbearing At All.
• Post-op appt, stitches and super itchy cast removed, project MoonBoot is go
• 4 weeks MoonBoot BUT No Weightbearing, lots of crutches
• 8 weeks MoonBoot gradually increasing loading, reducing crutches
• 10 weeks stable footwear with arch support – from sneakers to Doc Martens (omgomgomgomgomg)
• 6 months hardware removed, 2 weeks of stabilising while incision heals and sutures are removed
• Gradual increase in loading and level of awesomeness of footwear under physio supervision

How can you help Me?

• You can send money. My Beemit is @pennydreadful. My Bank is Penny Bonds Pty Ltd 302-162 1351785
  If you let Me know that you have sent money, I’ll send cute photos of My cats, or My excessive and dramatic bruising, or Me enjoying delivery because I can’t stand up to cook food, or a personalised video or pic…whatever works.
• You can serve Me personally – apply right here on My website and then back it up with an interview so that we can get to know each other and what the expectations are of service.
• You can have patience with Me while I navigate some pretty thorough pain with super-sized side serving of frustration. No, I’m not available. No, I don’t know when I will be. No, I do know that it won’t be next week. Yes, I’ve already answered all of those questions in the last four days.
• I am available on Niteflirt for phone sessions throughout the week, and hopefully for some webcam sessions once the cast has been removed and I’m not at risk of falling off My office chair. Once I am available, you should entertain Me with some quality mischief-making. I would enjoy it more than words can express.

I appreciate your help in making the next six weeks bearable.

I’m looking forward to seeing you, serving Me, soon,
Miss Penelope Dreadful