If you haven’t joined fetlife yet, I strongly suggest that you do. Why? Because there are amazing and informative discussions, heaps of sexy shiny pictures to ogle and regular updates of events in your area.

I recently came across a great discussion piece and it was so amazing that I think you should all be able to read it (original post copied with permission of original poster).

Getting to Yes: Negotiating agreement without giving in

What should a prospective client ask a Pro-Domme? What should a Pro-Domme ask a prospective client? How should they go about determining mutual interests and benefits? How do they go about separating business and fantasy? Is the art of negotiation any different in Domination than any other business? How and why? Who’s in charge of the process?

My response

I love it when prospective clients ask:

  • What are some of your favourite things to incorporate in sessions?
  • May I bring wine?
  • I would like a session involving xyz, I am curious about abc, I’ve fantasized about lmnop but have always chickened out because marks are a problem for me…is there anything that you might recommend for my session that could combine these elements?
  • Would you prefer chocolates or cheese?
  • Is it okay if I bring some of my favourite toys?
  • Do I need to prepare anything specific for our session – e..g. shaving, heavy douching, etc.?
  • I enjoy feeling like this and that but do not want to be prescriptive. Can I leave it up to your imagination?
  • Would you prefer to receive the deposit in cash or as a transfer?

I almost always ask a combination of the following, depending on the style of session:

  • When was the last time that you indulged?
  • Do you have any allergies, or sensitivities?
  • Do you have any old or existing injuries – knees, hips, shoulders, high school sports injuries, etc?
  • Are you taking any medications or supplements at the moment?
  • (for bondage in particular) Will you be exercising before coming to your session?
  • (for latex, highly orchestrated x-dressing, and extended sessions) Do you have anything that you would like to bring along?

The negotiations are a little different to that of a normal business as there are not that many businesses where what is being negotiated is such an intimate reflection of both parties.

Primarily, this is two people negotiating an experience. One is facilitating the other’s ability to indulge in that experience – providing a combination of skill sets, personality, equipment, and/or location (none of which is worth much without trust balance in the individual, but that’s a separate matter). The other is an active and willing participant in the experience, and acknowledges both the work and education already undertaken as well as providing for future development and growth by providing tribute.

Or that’s how I see it anyway…

Tribute is not just tribute for our time together. It is an acknowledgment of a professional standard and service and an investment into the history and the future of that service including skills courses, equipment, maintenance, etc.

Separating business and fantasy – I try to ensure that My clients see Me as human as well as Mistress. This could be a cup of tea/water/juice and a chat before session, it could be meeting with Me while still in My vanilla office attire (powersuits FTW!). That I have very specific availability also helps in reinforcing boundaries.

I don't demand your submission, I inspire it...

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