or better known as The Tricky Business of Coming Out
In what feels like a bit of a common theme this year – or maybe it’s just Me feeling especially sensitive to it – I’m going to talk a little bit about coming out.
In November last year, after a particularly trying few months between one life and the other, I came out as a kinkster and a Professional Dominatrix to My Mother. I agonised over it for weeks.
Would it be a phone call?
I couldn’t text or email, three’s not enough range of emotion in such a suppressed medium.
Should I invite Her down to Sydney for a weekend, take Her to dinner and tell Her then?
Would it be just too much stress for Her after separating from My father?
What happens if She finds out from someone or somewhere else before I tell Her?
I settled on sending Her a little care package for Her birthday. Some perfume that She had been searching for, a 10 pack of batteries, Her first ever vibrator and a card suitable for the mantlepiece. Inside the birthday card I tucked a second little letter with My business card attached.
I told Her that I love Her, that I am good at what I do, that My friends and lovers know Me and accept Me and My many foibles, that I’m professionally kinky because I love it and it’s a part of Me and not because I need to pay rent.
Her reaction was more than I had hoped for. When I called to ensure that everything had arrived in order and complete, I asked My Mother what She thought of Me, now that everything was in the open.
I was told “Well, I raised you to do things properly. So either you give 100% and you do it well, or you don’t do it at all.”
Yes Ma’am!
Domination must be hereditary 😉
Do you have a tricky, scary, funny or silly coming out story? Share it with Me.
xx Mistress Penelope
Absolutely you can! I know I do! My lover was fairly vanilla when I met him and together we’re finding new ways to love each other.
If you have fairly good communication already you can discuss exploring alternative loving. Tantra is a good way to start, maybe take turns reading each other chapters from Ecstasy is Necessary by Barbara Carellas (http://ecstasyisnecessary.com/). The kinky massage techniques are an excellent starting point to start experimenting with sensation, and the discussion sheets are a great way to start talking about power exchange without having all the “scary” baggage that the idea BDSM might bring up for the uninitiated.
I don’t have a story to share but a question to ask; how would one even start to come out as having submissive tendencies to a vanilla partner?
To ask them to try taking a dominant role or to say its something you nee but ask to explore it outside the relationship at the risk of losing the relationship?
Can you have a proper vanilla relationship as well as an alternative life?